What I consider as right may be wrong for you and vice versa.
We all have been taught the concept of right and wrong from early childhood. I understand that we do need this differentiation in our early years for our social, emotional and moral growth. Like, it is very much needed to tell a toddler to not eat something that's lying on the floor. But the problem occurs when this teaching continues. The toddler who gradually grows as an adult become so habitual of someone telling them what's right and what's wrong that they start following rather than allowing themselves to experience and live through their decisions.
From the last few days, I have been reading a lot about giving feedback to a learner in the context of e-learning. And I feel it is so relatable with life in general where we are so much tied with the concept of right v/s wrong (correct/incorrect).
In most of the training courses, the learner has to choose an answer and based on their reply, they get feedback whether it's right or wrong. And that's where the traditional course ends. Most of the recent studies conclude that people don't learn this way. We remember when we experience that choice, see what happens next and next and so on. We learn better when we as adults make a certain choice for the given scenario and see for ourselves how the previous choice changed the next scenario and so on. None of the choices we make come with this kind of feedback - This is incorrect/correct! The contextual realistic feedback that we get during the whole learning experience let us conclude for ourselves. This kind of learning process is directed towards making the learner a better decision-maker rather than teaching the concept of right v/s wrong. There is no concept of fear (failure) in this kind of learning as no choice is marked as right or wrong. The learner enjoys playing through the scenarios and chooses the best possible option according to his/her decision-making capabilities. And he/she learns during this whole process by seeing how one decision affects the further path.
“Tell me and I will forget, show me and I may remember; involve me and I will understand.” - Confucius
I could see the problem linked with traditional courses happening in our life too. We are often told whether we made a right or wrong choice or with so many beliefs and preconceived notions about what is right, we just make a choice that is conveyed as a right choice by people around us. And this happens with most of our life choices. When this starts happening on regular basis with one choice after the other, what we eventually become is the sum total of some other personalities that we may not personally relate to. Eventually, we realize that our real self is dead inside the choices we didn't make but blindly followed. Our experiences are shallow because we didn’t live through them rather than we just try to sail through them while others try to push our boat with external rewards such as better grades, a nice car, incentive, promotions, a big home, and more.
I would have been stuck until now in my corporate job if I followed what was considered right by people around me at that time. I would have never taken the plunge to go on my own if I believed the concept of a good life (as conveyed by people around me) is to have a good well-paying corporate job that provides me with a fixed salary. With this been said, I don't want to convey that corporate jobs are bad but what I want to say is that I didn't feel right pursuing a corporate job. It was the right choice for many others around me but I felt totally wrong to continue with that choice for the whole of my life.
Don't fall for the idea of right v/s wrong. It's your life and you should choose to live the experience that you think is right for you. Let you be in charge. Let your right be governed by your personal experiences and so should be your wrong. Don't let others decide for you and don't decide for others. Let's also not try to comment on others’ choices and burden them with our concept of right and wrong. I am also taking a mental note to not do it. As a kid, we may need that handholding but as adults, we should hold ourselves and live through every choice we make.
Am I right? Feel free to share in comments, or via personal messages. Available for a chit-chat here. Stay home and take care :)
I thought of adding a new paragraph to every blog post - What I am up to? I will try to share whatever I am doing and something that may be helpful to you. This month I don’t feel like doing things so I try to utilize the time to plan my learning path for the coming months. I am using this app Notion, which I am totally in love with, to jot down my professional goals for this year. And let me tell you it's quite empowering when you know what to do next. It makes you happy and I chose to be happy :)
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Love it. I was having this conversation with my mom the other night that we are always taught 'No', 'don't do this', 'this is not right', to everything. Which becomes a habit eventually. And no one ever says yes you did right with what you're doing. Or whatever you have done is good for you. And this choice if choosing the best often leaves us under confident.